The best way to get advice on your life.

I used to be one of those people who would have to polling others to see what they thought when I was facing a decision – big or small. I’d ask a friend for their opinion on an outfit, or my mom on her thoughts on my career moves. And while it’s not bad to ask others for their opinions, I also realized that I often would “make up” opinions for other people based on what I was choosing to do, be, or have in my life. Opinions that they never gave, but I ascribed to them as well. And the choices I was making in my life were made up of a soup of projected opinions that I was ascribing to others – and I was trying to fit myself into a mold I had built based on what I thought others would think. This mold was one were I was trying to be perfect, to be seen as good, to be accepted, and to be loved.

And it was suffocating.

Unless I made some changes, I was going to completely lose myself.

So, I made some brave leaps in my life—huge, transformational changes. So much so that I don’t recognize my former self. I am so much more authentic to who I am today than I ever have been in my adult life.

Now, when I am seeking advice on anything in my life—whether it's taking myself out for a walk with my dog or starting a new career, I ask two of the wisest people I know:

12-year-old Alison and 88-year-old Alison.

You see, your 12-year-old self is really excited about growing up one day. They have big hopes and dreams, and YOU are the person that they will become… are you making choices in your life that get them excited to grow up to become you? If so, wonderful! If not, it might be time for some self-reflection on why this is… and what you can do about it.

And your 88-year-old self is so compassionate, kind, and wise. They aren’t as active as you are today, but they were once you… and they care so much less about petty opinions or cultural norms – what they care about is the choices that you are making today and if they’re ones that they’re proud of.

They’ll both encourage you to be brave and chase your dreams.

If you are having trouble navigating what is in your heart and soul – in figuring out what you authentically desire – ask these two people for their advice. It’ll be better than any insights any other human can give you.

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.”

― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone